


Emails from your Friendly Neighborhood Human Resources Manager

by orphan_account



Series: In Which Jurassic World has Reopened [1]
Category: Jurassic Park (Movies), Jurassic Park Series - Michael Crichton, Jurassic World (2015)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 15:30:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12987033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After multiple incidents at Jurassic World, Irene Carols, The HR Manager of Jurassic World, has decided to send mass emails telling the Employees of what not to do. What's the worst that could happen?





	1. You Got Mail

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Insanity Rules](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7320787) by [The_Raptor_Queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Raptor_Queen/pseuds/The_Raptor_Queen). 



> I read alot of these rule listing fanfics, I only saw 1 (albeit it looks discontinued) fanfic for JW but I decided to write my own. Thank you The_Raptor_Queen for this inspiration. I also plan to somewhat connect other JW fanfictions with this.

_You have **1** new Email._

_Email from: Misrani Global, Jurassic World Sector, Human Resources Department_

_"It has come to our attention that we need rules in this rather dangerous environment, for both humans and dinosaurs, before someone gets hurt and killed, we don't need another Indominus Rex incident."_

  * After the Herbivore Herding Incident of 2016, No one is to use the Gyrospheres without permission.
  * Whoever thought it would be a wonderful thing to release a swarm of bees into a crowded Innovation Station will be fired, we have an almost crowded hospital (which is pretty small) of allergy victims.
  * No one talks about controversial subjects in public, we don't need fights breaking out.
  * Despite the fact that Raptors are no where close to dogs, their digestive system can't handle chocolate, we found this out after one of them unintentionally ate a bar of chocolate that fell into the enclosure. This will also apply to any other dinosaur just in case.
  * No one is allowed to play around with the speaker system on the Monorail after someone shut off our iconic song and replaced it with earrape of the Spiderman Theme Song.
  * Whoever put up posters saying that one of the Raptors is loose, please pull them down. It's scaring the visitors.
  * No one is to show Dinosaur Attack Movies in the IMAX Theater with the exception of the rather precise rendition of Jurassic World. How did they know all that happened?
  * Whoever started playing that one song from "Marvel's Runaways" in the Raptor Enclosure non-stop, we require you to come to the HR Office, it apparently calms the raptors down.
  * No one besides Jacqueline Dean is allowed to swim in the Mosasaurus tank, not after it almost ate the arm off of another trainer.
  * No one mention Zara infront of Claire, It makes her depressed and the last time that happened it took Owen and 3 bottles of beer to shut her up.
  * Next time (if it happens again) the Aviary is compromised, USE THE SHOCK ABILITY ON THE TRACKING DEVICES!
  * Please stop trying to feed dinosaurs Cinnamon, one of the trainers (who is no longer with us, we fired him) was stupid enough to try to do the Cinnamon challenge with the Galimimus. Let's just say it failed misrably and the Galimimus had to be put into intensive care.
  * Don't do any of these internet challenges with you dinosaurs, so help me I'll have you fired.



_Thank you for taking your time for reading these rules and regulations._

_From Irene Carol,_

_Misrani Global, Jurassic World Sector, Human Resources Department_

 


	2. +1 Email, Help Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More mail!

_You have **1** new Email._

_Email from: Misrani Global, Jurassic World Sector, Human Resources Department_

_"After some more issues, I needed to send another mass email to add more rules."_

  * No one is to release the Beelzabufo Frog (whoever thought that was a good idea), it apparently managed to hop it's way to the Raptor Enclosure and made Blue super-stoned.
  * You can technically have birthday parties for you dinosaurs, just don't rope everyone into it.
  * Thank you for pulling down the Lost Raptor posters, put please pull down the Found Raptor posters, they keep saying one "ate some people".
  * No one is to mention GenSys around any of the InGen people. GenSys is literally the worst special recreation center. (I hear people go missing at their parks.)
  * Stop posting random videos on the YouTube and Instagram accounts about the dinosaurs attacking city replicas. And who managed to get that much paper mache to make an exact replication of Dubai then place it in the Tyrannosaurus Paddock?
  * Stop using the budget for paper mache!!!
  * Whoever keeps playing Galaga on there computer, stop, apparently you were supposed to be on Dilophosaurus watch and they somehow managed to spit enough acid to get through the glass and escape.
  * No one that's part of InGen is not aloud to make the following creatures:


  1. Acrocanthosaurus
  2. Another Indominous Rex
  3. Tyrannosaurus Rex (One is enough)
  4. Albertosaurus
  5. Megalodon
  6. Carcharodontosaurus
  7. Cryolophosaurus
  8. Megaraptor
  9. Any Other Super Large Dinosaur


  * If anyone sees any InGen Worker splicing genes without permission,  **REPORT IT**.



_Thank you for taking your time for reading these rules and regulations._

_From Irene Carol,_

_Misrani Global, Jurassic World Sector, Human Resources Department_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to request rules I can add!


End file.
